So, as some have found, I am now a victim to Myspace!  If you have one, check me out...no really, check me out!...on there. 

Ummm, just search for Garrett Heinz or Twinkle Toes.

or just enter this http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=58361502

Over and Out!

Wow, I have not updated since July 9!  And I figure I should enlighten my minions/posse/gangstas/homies (AKA: you guys) in what I have been doing for 6 months, and how I have grown both spiritually, emotionally, scantily, attractively and gramatically!  

Brothers and sisters and brother/sister hybrids, hear me out!  My eyes were once sewn shut, but now I have broken the strings of tyranny and opened them!  My ears were stuffed with random things and I have used the tweazers of justice to unclog them and hear the truth!  The hang-nail of immorality once held me back, but now I am running on the feet of triumph!  Staples of corruption once closed my mouth, but with the staple-remover of might, I am free to speak once again!  So.....uh....here we go!

On my 6 month journey of enlightenment, I have unveiled life's mysteries.  Basically, life began in the primordial stew, literally hundreds of years ago.  In order to fully comprehend this "life" we must first know it's definition.  Now, as we all know, life is a Greek word and means "Elastic undergarments."  So obviously, they were referring to underpants.....really stretchy underpants.  And in life, everyone wants to rise to the occassion, to get to the top, to go up in society.  Well, when undies "rise" and "go up" the Chinese call that a wedgie.  So we can scientifically conclude that our lives are like wedgies...we are living and breathing wedgies!

Once I grasped the complexity of life, I was able to observe and learn life's secrets.  I learned that 1. Despite their name, food stamps are not eadible.  2. The best shopping carts are at Target.  3.  Never try to ride a porcuppine like a horse...especially bareback!  4. It is not a good idea to dry your cat in the microwave.  5. Microwaved cat tastes pretty darn good!  6. 15 minute brownies can actually be made in 7 minutes if you turn the oven up to 500 degrees  

Now rise, my bretheren.  Go and be like the three toed sloth; poised, alert, and always ready to run quickly from that which scares him, he does not care about, or makes him think.  And remember, as the wise Mr. T once said "I pitty da fool!"   

The Warped Tour was absolutely insane!!!  I have never been to a concert before, so this crazy shindig will always have a special place in my heart!  I spent about 8 1/2 blissful hours rocking out to some of my favorite bands, and becoming even more deaf than I already am! 

I saw Fall Out Boy, The Offspring, Relient K, Dropkick Murphys, Thrice, Senses Fail, MXPX, The All-American Rejects, Avenged Sevenfold, Matchbook Romance, Hawthorne Heights, Billy Idol, and My Chemical Romance (bwahahaha, that's right Toby)!!!!!  I also heard Atreyu, but I did not watch them play.  According to Atreyu, everyone at the concert was F***ing beautiful, F***ing awesome, and we live in Sacra-f***ing-mento!    My favorite part of the day is probably when Dropkick Murphys had a guy come out in a kilt and play the bagpipes!  It was hilarious/super cool!   

Here is a picture that really has nothing to do with my post!

Just in case you do not know....illegal fireworks are fricken sweet!  Last year my family and I went on a vacation to Washington, and I saw the most glorious place there....an Indian Casino!  Now, you peoples are probably wondering what good an Indian Casino is.   Well, I shall reveal all!  The casino sold fireworks...and lots and lots of them!!!  They had everything!  From Whistling kitty Chasers to Snickerydoos (and snickerydont's!)  My parents allowed me to snag a $25 box of assorted fireworks, and bring it home!  Well, they immediately regret their decision (I do not really have a good history with fire) and do not allow me to use them!  I held on to them for a year, and finally said "hey, it's fourth of July, so I am gonna shoot these bad boys off!" 

My friends and I go find a secluded area (which ended up being my old grade school) and we witnesses thye glorious beauty of breaking the law!  For $25 I got some pretty good fireworks!  And let me tell you, the Roman's sure know how to make an awesome candle!  I also had a helicopter that shot into the air and exploded and rained down sparks, and a cannon thingy that lobbed flaming balls!  I also got like 100 bottle rockets which are not too exciting, but are fun to launch off in your hand!      Hope you all enjoyed your fourth of July!                          SEE YA 

I am officially getting away from the eighth layer of Hell....Ciro's Pizza.  But instead of fire, and brimstone, and the gnashing of teeth, there are burning pizzas, 5oo degree ovens, and the mopping of floors!  I bet you guys did not know this, but Satan is really a girl...and her name is Vicki!  And she manages Ciro's Pizza!  Luckily, I have seen the light and have been saved...I got a job at my church!  haha.  This church job is just sooo much better in every way!  It is only 20 hours a week, and I can go to work whenever I feel like it!  Yes, you heard me, I have no set schedule!  Sundays are the only days that I have to be at work at a certain time, because I need to set up for church (and I even get payed for attending church service!)  But other than that, I get to arrive at work and leave from work whenever I want!(as long as I complete all of my scheduled tasks). 

Oh, and the devil is also really cheap.  She only pays $6.75 and hour, while God pays $9 (and after 60 days) $10 an hour!  Woohooo!  Score one for the big guy!   

My official job title is Church Sexton (AKA maintainance man).  Basically, I fix and replace things when they are broken, set up and tear down rooms, rearrange thigs, and stuff like that.  The work at Ciro's was pretty darn easy, but I would always get home at like 11:00-11:30 at night!  This new job is much more demanding, but I think it will be worth it! 

Anyway, I'm gonna parade around in my cow suit and milk myself!                     SEE YA